*Disclaimer: The next few posts from this series will become graphic in detail and/or photos at times. Please feel free to move along if it’s not your type of thing or if you have a weak stomach. These are definitely not feel sorry for me type posts, just telling a story that happens to be true! Being able to “write” this down has been a bit therapeutic and helpful. Not to mention, its freed up some real estate in my head!

A lot went into planning…

A lot went into planning for the beginning of 2024. In 2023 I was able to catch my breath a little bit and was ready to start pulling myself back together. The twins were a little older and the household was getting more sleep across the board, which makes a big difference. Even though I was waiting for results, the PFO surgery was behind me, and I could just think more clearly. Physically, I was a wreck and needed to pull myself back together not only for myself but for my family as well. My goal for 2023 was to lose the extra weight I was holding onto and to feel better, not only physically, but overall. I also knew I wanted to have a tummy tuck. I didn’t shout it from the roof tops, but I was not embarrassed about it. Sure, I was working on losing weight, but weight loss was not going to get rid of the loose skin I had from my pregnancy. It also was not going to fix the hernias from my pregnancy nor the four finger gap from my abdominal muscles splitting apart. However, the abdominoplasty was going to repair all of those things that were causing me issues, and I was very excited about it. I gave myself a year to prep and become a healthier version of me. And, I was also ready to not be the person who stands in their closet, trying on everything they own, in hopes to find something they feel comfortable wearing and not self-consciously trying to hide in.

Life was different now however, and the “usual” things I would do in the past to cut weight didn’t work anymore. The tubal ligation and uterine ablation I had in 2021 and 2022 changed how my body was functioning and kicked me into early perimenopause. I was able to see a physician who has dedicated her practice to menopause, and if you are a woman my age, you likely know who she is as she has really exploded in popularity since then. She helped me balance out all of vitamin deficiencies and showed me a lot of ways to support weight loss while in perimenopause. It was very helpful, and I was able to drop a big chunk of weight that way. Throughout the year I was also working out either on my own, or with a great trainer I found while I was prepping for the PFO closure. Things were steady for a good while until I stalled out, and that lasted for a few months. I then added semaglutide to my toolbox. I know that has a stigma but I am not ashamed of that either. Though it did help me break my plateau, I knew it wasn’t long term as I did not like how it made me feel. I’ve heard a lot of constipation horror stories, but I was lucky enough to not experience anything like that. What I didn’t like was the nausea, though it did get better over time, my hands and feet were always cold and it made me burp, A LOT!

In the midst of all this, I found a plastic surgeon I liked and felt comfortable with and scheduled surgery for February 6^th, 2024. About a month or so out, I had my pre-op appointment. One of the things you discuss is anesthesia of course. I let them know that I typically deal with nausea, vomiting and dry heaving after having anesthesia. I usually request to have the patch for motion sickness when I have any procedure as it has helped in the past. My c-section and tubal ligation combo was the longest surgery and most in depth one I’ve had. I made sure to mention my experience with the plastic surgeon as it wasn’t a good one.

I had my emergency c-section right before 5 a.m. back in October of 2021. I didn’t feel well enough to go see my babies until around 8 p.m. that evening because I was so nauseous and couldn’t sit up. The nurses were nice but insisted that I just needed to eat or drink something. I knew that was not the answer but did it anyway, and of course, threw it all up. The nausea was just super intense. The following evening, I was in A LOT of pain. I had already sent Chad home for the day as I had people to help me if I needed it, and the guy needed good sleep since he was trying to manage all four kids in two places. The pain was strong and would not budge no matter what we did. The nurses gave me as many pain meds as they could, and they kept bringing me hot tea. They said it was just gas that was caught up in there. I don’t know what the heck it was, but I was up the whole night crying through the pain, and I finally fell asleep sitting up in a chair that morning from pure exhaustion. After a few days, I would get sudden pains that would bring me to my knees. I would instantly start sweating, I felt like I was going to faint, and I would have to stop and hold onto anything that was around me. It felt like a brick was moving through my intestines. And no, I didn’t just need to pass gas and move along after that. There was never a connection I could make to anything such as needing to go to the bathroom. It was just sudden spouts of pain. I explained this situation to the doctor because this was also going to be an abdominal surgery and I was a bit nervous that this was going to happen again. She said it sounded like I had ileus that I did not get treated for. I had never heard of that term before, but it did help me validate my experience as something that was not typical for this sort of recovery.

From here, I just went…

From here, I just went about my business and waited for my day to arrive. About a week before my surgery, one of my hernias started acting up. I woke up one morning to make lunches and I couldn’t stand up straight. I leaned on the counter to get through it and then didn’t move from the couch for about an hour til the pain went away. After that, I noticed the hernia was now hard to the touch. At this point I was just praying I made it to my surgery date so it could be taken care of. I made note of it and continued counting down the days.

Thankfully I made it to my surgery day without anymore issues. When I saw the doctor before going into surgery, I mentioned the changes in one of my hernias. I was told it was likely progressing, and the next stage would be strangulation so I was very thankful it didn’t get to that point. The surgery itself went great! I remember the morning of surgery, getting into the vehicle to go home and arriving home. Outside of that, I basically slept the remainder of the day/night. I had nausea of course and pain from the surgery but all was expected, and we made sure I stayed on the medication schedule to keep things manageable.

The next day I was more alert. I didn’t feel great, but I was not expecting to feel great this early in the game. We got a call that morning that the nurse was on her way to check on me and look at the incision. This meant it was shower time which I was initially excited about. That was until I stood up. I was soooo nauseous and dizzy. I made it to the shower which felt great, I however could not keep my head up straight. Our shower is small, so I sat in the chair and had my head resting on the wall in front of me while the warm water fell over me. I felt great as long as I didn’t have to move. I got out of the shower with help, but I let my head just kind of hang back, so I wouldn’t feel so unbalanced. The nurse asked me to stand, and I could not do it without help. Yes, I just had abdominal surgery, and I didn’t expect that I would be able stand right up without help. But it wasn’t the physical pain holding me back, it was the dizziness and the nausea that was weighing me down.

For the rest of the day, which was Wednesday, I made sure to get up and walk as much as possible, as well as drink and eat as much as I could. I would have spouts of time when the nausea would lay low, but it had yet to fully go away. Nonetheless, I assumed this was all part of the process and I just needed to power through. Then came Thursday. I was now having new internal pain. Stomach cramps of some sort. Reminded me of being in labor, not full blown 10 centimeters labor but it wasn’t pleasant. I struggled a lot that day with pain and I was no longer eating or drinking like I should. Up until this point, I had been chatting with a few friends and family via text as they were asking how I was doing, etc. On this day, I put my phone down and didn’t feel like responding anymore. I didn’t have a good day or night.

When I woke up Friday, I was in a lot of pain and the nausea was intense. I knew I was not keeping up with fluid intake and thought, “Well, I’m probably really dehydrated and its causing me to feel sick and cramp up.” So, I found a nurse via a local mom’s group that did mobile IV treatments. Her name was Kacy. She was really great! She was super nice, easy to talk to and just seemed like an all-around good person. AND the IV treatment was sooo helpful! Later that evening, once everything kicked in, I was able to stomach a small amount of food, and I was starting to drink more again. I remember being a bit more talkative for a span of time that evening. I really believed I was finally turning the corner, and all this pain was from lack of hydration.

Then came Saturday, Feb 10^th, four days after my original surgery. Things were not good. When I am in pain, I’m typically more on the quiet side. I move around a lot and fidget in efforts to try and get my mind off the situation, but I try to always keep to myself as best as I can. I couldn’t do that any longer. The pain was becoming excruciating. I was intentionally grunting and making noise trying to find a way to work through the pain. I was grunting, crying, and I was groaning through long breaths and trying hard to push through. The vibrations of my voice within my body were giving me something to focus on outside of all the physical pain I was experiencing. I think this is the point everyone started to worry a bit. I know Chad was worried. My parents were helping with the kids, so they were at my house a lot, and they were worried. My kids were asking questions now because they could hear that I was hurting. Chad was in contact with the doctor, and she gave him a check list of things I needed to be doing. If I hadn’t checked all the boxes by a certain time, I believe it was 5 p.m., I needed to go to the ER. I don’t remember the full list but one was a bowel movement, which I hadn’t done. I think in the back of my mind I knew I was going to end up in the ER, but I just kept telling myself, “You just need to hold on just a little bit longer and things are going to subside. Plenty of people have had tummy tucks, hernias repaired and abdominal reconstruction, and they made it through just fine. So can you!”

I was no longer eating…

I was no longer eating or drinking at this point. I absolutely couldn’t do it. I wanted to, but swallowing my own spit was too much. I had to fight through swallowing my own saliva because I wanted nothing in my stomach. The nausea was like nothing I have ever experienced before. Keep in mind, I get motion sickness on planes, boats, sitting in traffic, you name it! Nausea is nothing new for me. But this, this was to a whole new level.

I told Chad, “I think I am just dehydrated still since I haven’t been staying on my fluids. I need to have another IV drip.” I texted Kacy again and asked her if she could come back. She just happened to be at the grocery store in my area when I texted her. I later learned it was a grocery store she never goes to. She told me she didn’t have the actual vitamins but only the saline and nausea meds with her. I told her that it was fine, I just needed the fluids and I appreciated her willingness to come back. She also mentioned that she had her one-year-old with her and I told her I did not mind her coming with her at all.

When Kacy got there, I tried my best to perk up because I did not want to scare her daughter. I think when Kacy arrived, she could tell the mood/situation was different from the day before even though I tried to fake it. I remember her daughter being so good and just sitting in the room with us watching Peppa Pig. After she got the IV going, I was trying to get comfy in my recliner. I was wearing an abdominal binder to help give me the extra support I needed post-surgery. I told Chad, “I need to take this belt off, it feels like it’s getting tight,” so he helped me get it undone and off. As we opened it up, Kacy asked to see my stomach. Seeing her facial expression was confirmation that this was not normal. I could not personally tell you what my stomach looked like because I didn’t have the strength to lift my head up and look down at it. Chad and Kacy saw it together and they said it was distended, hard, shiny, and my ribs were flaring out. I don’t remember everything that was said but she suggested multiple times that we needed to go get checkout because it didn’t look good. In that moment, I felt like she was telling me something I already knew needed to happen, but I didn’t want to accept it. I wanted to wait til the last minute of my given timeline so that I could say I tried everything I could to stay out of the hospital and/or for things to take a turn for the better. I felt like I failed, but I also knew that I was so overwhelmed with pain that I didn’t know how much longer I could realistically sustain it. She asked if I wanted to finish the drip and then go or if I wanted her to stop it and go now. I chose to stop the drip so we could head to the hospital.

I don’t really remember grabbing anything to take with me to the ER, my mission was to just get out of the house and into the vehicle. I remember getting into the front seat, sort of propping myself up sideways in a weird position and didn’t move. There was no way I could have sat up straight for the ride. I had asked my mom and dad to go get gum for me earlier so I could chew it as they say it can help get the bowels moving. I think my dad had just gotten back and my mom handed it to me and told me to chew some. I couldn’t do it. I could not even fathom the thought of putting a piece of gum in my mouth. I was having trouble swallowing my own spit still and I could feel the pressure building up in my body.

Kacy was very sweet and stayed there til I left. She even hugged my mom to help comfort her. I didn’t know about that at the time, but I appreciated it very much.

I don’t remember…

I don’t remember one thing about the car ride to the hospital. I remember getting in, Chad asking which hospital I wanted to go to, and then I remember feeling the car stop as he pulled up into the ER driveway. He said he knew I was in pain because I made a sound with every little bump in the road. I still think it’s wild that I don’t remember one bit of that trip.

Chad went in and grabbed a wheelchair to get my inside. I remember the waiting room being empty when we got there and I was thinking, “Thank goodness, I won’t have to wait.” We went back to the intake area and got entered into the system rather quickly. They then took me back to the ER and put me on a bed in the hallway as all the rooms were full. I managed to get myself in this bed and I didn’t care about anything at this point. I was tossing, turning, crying and grunting in pain. Chad said all of the doors to the rooms started to close when I arrived in the hall. I guess I was being pretty loud. I don’t remember how long we waited but at some point, a doctor came to the bedside to see me. She just stood over me and looked me up and down as I was rolling around in this bed. Sure, I wasn’t talking much but Chad was there and could answer questions. It was weird. I remember building up enough strength to open my eyes as she stood over me and said she needed a urine sample. I was biting the insides of my cheeks as I pulled myself up to get out and off of that bed. Even then, I couldn’t make it into the restroom by myself, so Chad had to help me through it.

I had no sense of time while I was in the ER. I just know I made it into a room at some point and I got a CT scan. As we waited for the results, I remember feeling the pressure continue to build inside my body. At this point, it hurt to breathe as everything felt like it was pushing up into my chest. That and my stomach was stretching to the max! To put it into perspective, my stomach was so stretched that I developed new stretch marks on my hips during this short span of time.

Not long after the scan, my nurse came in and started prepping me for an NG tube. To be honest, I really didn’t know what to expect. She told us the tube would go through my nose, down my throat and into my stomach to help relieve some of the pressure. She gave me a cup of water with a straw and told me when to start drinking as she pushed it through. I didn’t expect it to feel good by any means, and I have a wicked gag reflex to top it off, but it was AWFUL! They describe it as being “uncomfortable” and that is 100% a lie. Maybe they say that on purpose to not freak the patient out. As it was being pushed through, and as I was drinking the water, I felt like I was drowning. I thought I was only going to feel pain and “discomfort” while the tube was being put in place. I had no idea it was going to continuously hurt after the fact. I could feel every spot it was touching inside my body from my nose to my stomach. And with every breath I took, the bends or curves of the tube would press on certain internal spots and hurt even more. It was awful. Once it was in, I got a little hysterical for a few minutes saying, “It’s not in right, it’s not in the right place, I can feel it!” The nurse did a quick in room x-ray and it showed it was right where it was supposed to be, and this was just what it was going to feel like. I then started to take slower and shorter breaths to try and cut down on the pain.

It was then a waiting game for a doctor to come in, but thankfully he showed up not long after the NG tube was placed. He came in and introduced himself, then Chad asked him something like, “How did the scan look or what did the scan show?” There are a few things I will never forget about that ER visit. One was the look on the doctor’s face when he responded and said, “Oh, it’s bad.” I opened my eyes just enough to see his facial expression and it remains burnt in my memory.

My feet were closest to the entrance of the small room and the computer was up closer to where my head was. They walked over to the computer to pull up the scans. I didn’t have the strength to focus, nor the ability to turn and see the screen, so I turned my head just far enough so I could see Chad. When the images came up on the screen, I felt like I was watching Chad in slow motion as his eyes closed, and he turned his head to the side and dropped his chin to his shoulder. Chad doesn’t have a weak stomach for things like this. I just think seeing the scans was a quick reality check as to how serious the situation was.

In that moment, it was like the light within him, his spirit, went dim for just a bit. I could visibly see it and I will never forget it. I don’t fully remember everything the doctor said, but I knew I had to have emergency surgery asap, and that I was going to come out with an ostomy. I knew what an ostomy was, but I really didn’t grasp the reality of what was being said. I agreed to it and remembered saying something like, “Yes, that’s fine… let’s go” as I was waving my hand in a hurry up fashion. Chad said I would have agreed to have my arm cut off in that moment and he is absolutely right! Whatever the solution was is what I wanted to do to stop the pain. Another thing I will never forget was when the doctor said something like, “You got here just in time. An hour later, and we wouldn’t be having this conversation.” The weight of that statement was powerful, but it didn’t sink in till later down the road.

After I agreed…

After I agreed, things started moving really fast. Chad had been in contact with the plastic surgeon through the process and he stepped out of the room to get her on the phone. She asked Chad if she could speak to the surgeon that was going to perform the surgery. In this moment, I was really blessed to have two doctors work together to give me the best outcome possible. This procedure is usually performed with a vertical incision from the top of the belly all the way down to the pelvic area. The plastic surgeon told the trauma surgeon if he did that, my skin was going to die. She asked him to please go through the incision she made, and she would explain all of her work, including the mesh and internal stitches. Everything she did she was willing to share in detail. The trauma surgeon was there to save my life. I am forever grateful that he was willing to hear the other surgeon out and work together with her in such a stressful situation with not much time to plan. These are all things that I had no idea were happening at the time, but man, was I lucky to have such great doctors on this day and a wonderful husband to connect the two in such a critical time.

As things were moving fast around me, I was just focusing on how to breathe because it hurt so much to do so. Before I knew it, Chad gave me a kiss and I was being wheeled off to surgery. I remember being moved over to the surgical table and having to lay flat. Being forced to lay flat versus curled up was extremely painful and made it even harder to breathe. Things were busy there too with a lot of movement happening around me. I remember hearing people discussing the surgery and prepping as I was rocking side to side saying, “It hurts, it hurts! Make it stop, please make it stop!” The doctor walked in right about then and I clearly remember him saying, “We can’t do anything til we get her to sleep.” Within a minute the mask was coming over my face. I remember staring up with my eyes open just enough to allow a sliver of light in from above. I remember taking two shallow breaths, and on the third inhale, I was able to take a really deep breath. In that one second when I inhaled, everything was gone. I had no NG tube pain, no pressure pain, no stomach cramps, nothing. I don’t think I have ever felt that much physical relief in my entire life. It was the best I had felt in days and as soon as I exhaled, I felt like my body let go and everything went black.

Spoiler alert… I didn’t die! LOL 😊Here are some things that were happening while I was out.

My sister took over watching our kids so my parents could be there while I was in surgery. The plastic surgeon came up to the hospital and sat with Chad throughout the surgery/recovery. I was very touched when I learned about that. Chad learned that after the first surgery, my bowels never woke back up. I had severe ileus. While my intestines were sleeping so to speak, they sort of flattened out inside my body. Somehow, that caused a little kink, and at some point, my intestines started filling up with gas. The large bowel was most pronounced at the cecum which measures 12.1 cm. I developed Toxic Megacolon. Look that up online and you will see some scary stuff!

The surgeon went through the horizontal incision. He removed the mesh from the hernia repair, and he had to cut through all of the stitches for the muscle repair. You know those prank cans that have a snake that comes shooting out when you open it? The surgeon said my intestines came shooting out in that same fashion once he cut me open and cut through the layers. There was just so much pressure built up inside and it was looking for the quickest way out.

He told Chad that he had to remove my appendix and a foot of my colon that perforated. He used a sausage analogy to describe the perforation. He said when you are cooking sausage, you will notice as it heats that the outer skin will pull apart and sort of rip. The built-up pressure caused that outer layer of the colon to rip and pull apart. Once that happens, that part of the colon is no longer any good.

I came out with two stomas…

I came out with two stomas. One ileostomy and one mucous fistula that was placed about two inches above the ileostomy. The ileostomy hooks up to the end of the ileum, small intestines, and the mucous fistula was used as a pressure release at the break from where the small and large intestines use to meet.

He also said this situation had nothing to do with the type of surgery I had, just the fact that I had surgery in general. I could have had foot surgery and found myself in the same situation. It unfortunately is just a rare thing that can happen. When I think of rare things, I think about really cool rare gemstones or things of that nature. I’m clearly the wrong kind of rare when it comes to medical things.

My mom told me someone asked her if I ever felt like I was dying. The answer to that is no. In the midst of it all, I could not think of ANYTHING outside of the pain my body was enduring. I am grateful for that though. I have a lot of life I need/want to live! I have kids to raise, a husband to grow old with and family and friends to love.

There is still so much more to this story so stayed tuned. This time I promise I won’t wait months to get the next post shared! Even though this is just a little ol blog, it really has felt like I am writing a book, and it has taken me more time to process than I thought. Thanks for reading and part III will be coming soon…